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800 6th Avenue
New York, NY, 10001
United States

Life Coach, NYC, Executive Leadership Coach, Personal Development Coach, New York - Coaching Leaders, Entrepreneurs, and Creatives to be more Confident, Productive, and Fulfilled.

Notes from Yourself



Blinded By Desire

John Kalinowski

I’ve been consumed by desire lately… rather, I’ve been consumed by the notion of desire and how frequently it doesn’t really mean anything. I’ve finally begun to grasp how desire is more often synonymous with objectification than with making even the most basic assessment of another person, particularly someone new. It floods our senses and leaves stars in our eyes, but that rush of desire can just as easily be a smokescreen, blocking our ability to see or be seen. It leaves us trying to connect with vague outlines of one another, and rendering us less-than-whole people, attracted to less-than-whole people.

Even though all sorts of fulfilling relationships may have been born of vague outlines, it doesn’t mean it’s the winning approach. It might be thrilling, sure, but it’s not exactly the most reliable tool in finding the right mate or even just the right date. And it diminishes your power as well, because you’re approaching it from a sense of lack and external validation - “I really need that thing because I don’t have that thing and that thing will make me so much happier.” But that “thing” rarely does make you happier. Because happiness comes from the mindset of knowing that you already have everything you need, inside, and when you radiate that sense of confidence and wholeness, then people and opportunities are naturally drawn to you. You don’t need to employ hungry lack-filled desire to catch them.

Lately I’ve been coaching myself to approach desire a bit differently. When I see a swoon-worthy guy on the street I may let myself enjoy the rush, but I also try to take a deep breath and remind myself of two things: 1) “this feeling doesn’t mean anything.” 2) “it’s limiting my ability to see and be seen.” As I play around with it, I’ve begun to notice that some of my objects of desire are way hotter when they’re hidden behind a smokescreen, while others have interesting qualities that I might have missed if I was only ogling their outlines. Even more importantly, I can feel myself generating a new level of confidence and wholeness, from the inside out.

Self-love wins. Wholeness wins. Every time.

Go get your life y’all!!


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