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Life Coach, NYC, Executive Leadership Coach, Personal Development Coach, New York - Coaching Leaders, Entrepreneurs, and Creatives to be more Confident, Productive, and Fulfilled.

Notes from Yourself

 

 

Filtering by Tag: coaching

"I'm SO Busy..." or Are You?

John Kalinowski

life coach personal development coach

There’s something very gratifying about being able to tell people how busy you are. Somehow it serves as a badge indicating that you’re very important, very successful, and clearly an overachiever. I can’t tell you how many times I catch myself and the people I know saying, “I’m so busy.” That’s not to say that people don’t have a lot going on, because they do! Many people have careers and spouses and children and that can be a recipe for a very busy life! But, we make it even busier by always thinking and talking about how busy we are.

What if you just stopped telling people you’re busy? What if you just erased it from your vocabulary? What would happen? Would you lose a piece of your identity? Maybe it would feel like you’re cheating yourself out of a certain status that comes along with being “busy?” But, what about happiness? What about balance? Wouldn’t it be worth trading in the constant “I’m busy, I’m busy” for a mindset of “I’m getting everything done and feeling stable and balanced?”

Something I’ve realized is that I get a lot more done when I’m not constantly running through a mental laundry list of everything I have to do and telling myself how busy I am. Instead, I write things down in various places, I try to maintain a schedule/planner for when I’m going to do them, and I find myself doing most everything without thinking about the actual amount I have to accomplish. Without the “I’m so busy; I don’t have time for anything” feeling, I actually end up being more productive.

There are tons of options to keep yourself on track: there are To-Do apps for your phone, Daily Planners, notebooks, or you can even maintain your task list on a hanging white board. The simple act of extracting things from your head and parking them somewhere, and taking a moment each day to plan what you’re going to tackle, can help to quiet that constant mental laundry list and leave you feeling less busy and less stressed. Who doesn’t want that?

Have a beautiful week!

John

A Time for Powerful Action

John Kalinowski

Personal Development Life Coach Powerful Action

Welcome to the latest iteration of my blog which I’m calling The Wake-Up. And if anything was gonna wake me up, this election sure did the trick. Consider my ass “woke,” or at least half-woke. And I think a lot of people are feeling the same way. So, now what? What do we do with our half-woke, half-in denial, half-terrified-for-the-future-of-our-planet state of mind? Well, we start by banding together and owning the fact that our biggest failure is that we’ve been operating from a place of Powerless Reaction instead of Powerful Action.

An expression I picked up somewhere and fell in love with is, “let’s move out of the problem and into the solution.” What this really means is let’s coach ourselves to move out of a reactive state of pointing fingers, shaming and blaming, and into an active state of thinking about what we actually want as a country (and as individuals) and start taking steps in that direction. In other words, let’s create a vision for where we want this country to go, and then go for it.

I wrote an article on Medium awhile back called “How Hillary Can Win.” It’s all about how Hillary’s primary issue in this election stemmed from a lack of vision. Sure, there were some other extremely worrisome factors that led to her eventual loss, many of which I wholeheartedly believe, but at the end of the day I also believe that she could have won over those last few necessary voters if she’d had a coherent vision that they could connect to.

We, the citizens of this country, are suffering from the same issue. What I’m coming to realize is that real democracy is about waking up out of our finger-pointing and complacency and creating our own damn vision. The mistake many of us have been making for decades, maybe centuries, is in waiting for our leaders to create a vision/solution for us. We need to create our own vision and elect leaders who seem best-equipped to take on the task of turning that vision into reality.

There are groups rising up all over the country as a result of this election, but without a coherent vision to rally around, it will be difficult for them to maintain the necessary, mindset, enthusiasm and momentum to actually affect change. So let’s step up to this blank canvas and start painting, and as the vision takes shape we can recruit leaders to carry it out.

What’s your vision for the country? Let’s start a dialogue about how we can move out of Powerless Reaction and into Powerful Action, both as Americans and as individuals. 

Gnaw on that while you’re gnawing on turkey. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

John

I invite you to follow me on Twitter: @johnkalinowski

Also check out the Action Group Network: actiongroups.net

The Quest of an Egomaniac

John Kalinowski

Life Coach Personal Development Coach NYC Best Self

“How do I get everything I want, right now?” If we're not saying it, we're thinking it, and I've realized that getting what you want is about letting go... of what you want. Getting what you want is really about learning to be your best self, your most loving self, and THAT’S when everything else starts falling into place. When you create inflexible visions of what you want, how you want it, and when you want it, you set yourself up for a struggle. That struggle is all ego, and it’s equivalent to rowing your boat upstream, resentful that it’s so hard, angry that it’s taking so long, blind to the fact that something even better lies in the opposite direction, which you would see if you took a moment to appreciate the journey.  

Life is not about acquiring and achieving; it’s about being a life coach to yourself, so that you can be the best, most loving version of yourself that you can be. Of course you want to have certain things and certain experiences, but they will not make you better, because that’s what the journey is for. That’s what LIFE is for. So, if you want a successful career, marriage, kids, friends, then adopt the mindset of showing up for the journey, and the rest will follow. Do everything you can to be the happiest, most fulfilled person you can be today, right now. Be curious, adventurous, vulnerable, and do things that scare you. Be clear about what you want and set out to get it, then let it go... trust that you’ll get there, even if “there” doesn’t look exactly the way you thought it would.

When you get stuck and start feeling anxious then just remind yourself that it’s ego, which simply means you’ve momentarily forgotten to appreciate the journey. Sometimes the ego is useful, and can give you the nudge you need to keep going, but if your life is being guided by ego (anxiety, stress, resentment) then you’ll often feel like you’re fighting your way upstream. Thankfully, all you need to do is take a breath, acknowledge that it’s your ego, and ask yourself what you could be doing differently. What do you need to learn? What will take you another step closer to your best self?

Because being your best self is what will ultimately make all your dreams come true.

Have a magical week,

John



Also Published on ANewsCafe.com 

You Have All The Answers

John Kalinowski

life coach, life coach nyc, mindset coach, leadership coach, personal development

My favorite Maya Angelou quote is, “when people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” It seems so simple right? If someone shows you that they’re kind or caring then they probably are. If someone shows you that they’re judgemental or temperamental, then they probably are. (If someone shows you that they’re batshit crazy then they probably are.) Of course, somebody can be all of those things, but then we have to recognize that too. We don’t just ignore certain aspects of someone in favor of other aspects, because that means we’re willfully ignoring the truth of who somebody really is.

A big part of “believing” who someone is, requires listening to yourself. You’ve most certainly had experiences with people where everything seemed ok on the outside, but you kept getting this feeling inside, this instinct, or intuition, telling you that something wasn’t ok and pointing you in another direction. Something didn’t fit, or sit quite right. And every time you’ve ignored that feeling, you’ve probably ended up causing yourself a whole lot more trouble down the road.

I’ve heard so many stories about people who had no idea their significant other was having an affair or capable of doing illegal or violent things. I just don’t buy it. I can accept that they didn’t know it intellectually because they wouldn’t allow it to sink in, but something inside of them knew. Something inside of them kept presenting itself in the form of suspicion or anxiety or resentment and they didn’t know where it was coming from. Well, it was coming from their innermost self and it was trying to send them a message (Heads up! Trainwreck ahead!), but they weren't ready to hear it.

We get locked in sometimes to wanting something to be what we want it to be. Maybe we don’t want to lose that person or we don’t want to be single again or we don’t want other people to think that we don’t have it all together. Well, most of us don’t have it all together because that’s life. We’re all just trying to figure it out.

Listen to yourself. You know more than you think you do.

Have a beautiful week.

John

Also published on ANewsCafe.com 

You're A Liar

John Kalinowski

life coach, life coach nyc, mindset coach, leadership coach, personal development

You’re a liar. I’m a liar. We all are. It’s “normal.” You hopefully already know you’re lying whenever you’re intentionally deceptive, but you might not realize that you may also be lying when you don’t ask for what you want or need, when you say “yes” and you really mean “no,” or when you aren’t being fundamentally true to yourself. And it isn’t about being more ethical, it’s about being more productive. When you’re functioning as your truest self then you're navigating the world more intentionally, more confidently, and more fluidly. But when you mask who you are, even when you don’t mean to, you’re creating unnecessary roadblocks to getting where you want to go.

Hiding behind untrue impressions of yourself is not only risky, but it also limits your ability to connect to others. For as dumb as people can seem sometimes (and some of them can seem pretty dumb), many of them also have a sixth sense when it comes to authenticity. Even if they can’t exactly pinpoint the lie that you’re telling, they may get this feeling of distrust that bubbles up in the form of annoyance, dislike, or discomfort. This feeling becomes an invisible wall that prevents you from connecting with them in a meaningful way, which means losing out on the possible benefits of that connection, may it be a new client, job, friendship, or partnership.

If you’re not working to be more straightforward about who you are, what you want, and what you need, then you’re lying, and you're demonstrating to others that you don't believe in yourself. (So why should they believe in you?) Whereas if you can be a life coach to yourself and be upfront about who you are, confidently embracing all of the beautiful quirks that make you you, then you’re demonstrating to the world that you love yourself enough to be yourself. People feel that. Of course it won’t be attractive to everyone, but that’s the beauty of not lying, you don’t waste time on relationships and situations that aren’t a good fit, which means that you have more energy to focus on the ones that are. See? Now that’s a productive mindset.

Now go out there and tell somebody the truth.

Have a beautiful week.

John


Inspired by the book “Lying” by Sam Harris

Also published on ANewsCafe.com 

Let It Be

John Kalinowski

life coach, life coach nyc, mindset coach, leadership coach, personal development

Do you ever catch yourself trying to make something happen, or agonizing because something isn’t going exactly your way? I do it all the time. This may sound silly, but I’ve made a habit of remembering the Beatles song, “Let it be.”(“Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be… Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.”) It just reminds me to stop holding on so tight, that the only thing I can control is myself, and that there comes a point when I’ve done everything I can do and it’s time to step back to allow the chips to fall where they may. Otherwise I’m just running around like a crazy person trying to force the chips to fall exactly the way I want them to. Not only is that the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, it’s also the way many of us live our daily lives.

I was going over my business finances recently and found myself having all sorts of feelings about it. The words I kept hearing in my head were, “I should be further along than this.” “I should be making this much money and have a book published” and “I should have a bigger office and a fancier this and a better that, and it should all have happened yesterday.” This all comes from that nearly universal human affliction of feeling like we’re not enough, haven’t done enough, don’t have enough (money, beauty, love, wisdom) and there’s clearly something wrong with us.

Nope, there’s nothing wrong. The only thing wrong is our mindset. We are wasting time and energy on beating the hell out of ourselves, which is costing us even more time and energy, which we could be using to make ourselves happy and/or move ourselves forward. If you want something, prioritize it, create a timeline, find some way to hold yourself accountable, show up for it, and go. But, those draining, self-limiting thoughts rob us from appreciating what we’ve already accomplished, and leave us with less energy to move toward the things that we still want to accomplish. Every time you start beating yourself up and catch yourself trying to force those chips into the right place, just coach yourself with the affirmation, “Let it be.” Chorus please.

Have a beautiful week!

John

Also published on ANewsCafe.com and Selfscription.com

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Judgment, Bigots, and the NBA

John Kalinowski

In the midst of the whole Donald Sterling/NBA Clippers monsoon, I just keep asking myself what justice really looks like in this case. I’m not going sit here and pretend that it’s not tempting to get all riled up and start calling him names and envisioning all sorts of ugly things happening to him. (In fact, I may or may not have already had that moment.) I mean, wouldn’t the world be better off without another wealthy bigot parading around with cheap gold-diggers? Maybe. But, could we not also agree that the world could be even better if we had a few more recovering bigots out there learning and maybe even speaking about the importance of empathy, compassion, and equality?

The NBA is taking steps to impose $2.5 million dollar fines, lifetime bans, and new ownership of the Clippers, but what will this type of punishment actually achieve? It’s not going to change Donald Sterling. In all likelihood, he will pay the fine or challenge it in court, he’ll feel singled out, wronged, victimized, and probably have a chip on his shoulder for the rest of his life. He’s not going to write out a $2.5 million dollar check and have some gross epiphany about life and race and all the time he’s wasted believing he’s better than huge segments of the global population. Get real.

This system of punishing others is archaic, primitive, and often based on our own hatred and judgment. Donald Sterling doesn’t need to be whipped, beaten, fined, or banned. He needs help. He needs to be subjected to a Dalai Lama-approved compassion intensive, which might include being on the receiving end of discrimination, maybe some face-to-face counseling with His Holiness himself, or whatever it takes to crack open Donald Sterling’s cold dead heart. Because the fact is, he would not be acting like this unless he too had some ugly, painful wounds rotting inside of him. Sure, we can still throw fines at him and whatever else if it makes us feel better. But, can you imagine the benefits to our society if we chose to focus our energy on rehabilitation rather than inflicting further hurt and pain? We can start by remembering that People Are Mean Because People Are Hurt.

Have a beautiful week!

John