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Life Coach, NYC, Executive Leadership Coach, Personal Development Coach, New York - Coaching Leaders, Entrepreneurs, and Creatives to be more Confident, Productive, and Fulfilled.

The Wake-Up

 

 

Filtering by Tag: nyc

Rock The Damn Boat

John Kalinowski

life coach, life coach nyc, mindset coach, leadership coach, personal development

If you're walking on eggshells with people in your life, or allowing something to fester.

Rock the damn boat.

Spouses, parents, friends, and bosses... "Because it's not worth it to make him/her mad." 

Rock the damn boat.

I just did some boat-rocking with a good friend recently and yeah, it was awkward, but it was also really good. 

We chatted like grown-ups. No finger-pointing, no defensiveness. 

Also, bottling up your feelings is just not cute anymore.

So, rock the damn boat.

With a little practice you'll be running around tipping boats over left and right, and guess what.

You'll be glad you did. 

#redpill

xJohn

Also published on ANewsCafe.com 

A Time for Powerful Action

John Kalinowski

Personal Development Life Coach Powerful Action

Welcome to the latest iteration of my blog which I’m calling The Wake-Up. And if anything was gonna wake me up, this election sure did the trick. Consider my ass “woke,” or at least half-woke. And I think a lot of people are feeling the same way. So, now what? What do we do with our half-woke, half-in denial, half-terrified-for-the-future-of-our-planet state of mind? Well, we start by banding together and owning the fact that our biggest failure is that we’ve been operating from a place of Powerless Reaction instead of Powerful Action.

An expression I picked up somewhere and fell in love with is, “let’s move out of the problem and into the solution.” What this really means is let’s coach ourselves to move out of a reactive state of pointing fingers, shaming and blaming, and into an active state of thinking about what we actually want as a country (and as individuals) and start taking steps in that direction. In other words, let’s create a vision for where we want this country to go, and then go for it.

I wrote an article on Medium awhile back called “How Hillary Can Win.” It’s all about how Hillary’s primary issue in this election stemmed from a lack of vision. Sure, there were some other extremely worrisome factors that led to her eventual loss, many of which I wholeheartedly believe, but at the end of the day I also believe that she could have won over those last few necessary voters if she’d had a coherent vision that they could connect to.

We, the citizens of this country, are suffering from the same issue. What I’m coming to realize is that real democracy is about waking up out of our finger-pointing and complacency and creating our own damn vision. The mistake many of us have been making for decades, maybe centuries, is in waiting for our leaders to create a vision/solution for us. We need to create our own vision and elect leaders who seem best-equipped to take on the task of turning that vision into reality.

There are groups rising up all over the country as a result of this election, but without a coherent vision to rally around, it will be difficult for them to maintain the necessary, mindset, enthusiasm and momentum to actually affect change. So let’s step up to this blank canvas and start painting, and as the vision takes shape we can recruit leaders to carry it out.

What’s your vision for the country? Let’s start a dialogue about how we can move out of Powerless Reaction and into Powerful Action, both as Americans and as individuals. 

Gnaw on that while you’re gnawing on turkey. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

John

I invite you to follow me on Twitter: @johnkalinowski

Also check out the Action Group Network: actiongroups.net

Trust Yo Self, Trust Yo Life

John Kalinowski

Personal Development Life Coach Trust Yourself

 

Life is a river, a current you can float on or fight against.

There’s no need to fight your way upstream. The current will take you where you need to go, but only if you can float.

If you’re thrashing around trying to hold onto the current, trying to direct it and make it give you what you want - you will sink.

Floating requires a mindset of trust… being open, being vulnerable, being love - without resisting, without resenting, without fighting, without blaming.

And life will start to support you.

The current can be unpredictable, you may get stuck or run into rapids or a rocky patch. So give yourself permission to be in a rocky patch.

Without judging, without being mad, without hating, without forcing an outcome... set the course and allow the journey to unfold.

Trust that you are exactly where you need to be, and every experience is an opportunity to become a better you.

That’s when your wildest dreams will start to materialize.

 

Be your own life coach. You got this!

John

Also published on ANewsCafe.com 

How to Game the System

John Kalinowski

Life Coach Personal Development Coach Game the System

Life is a system… “a set of connected parts forming a complex whole.”

You are in and of yourself a system, part of many other systems - family, friends, business, government… every relationship you have.

When one part of a system changes then everything changes - even the smallest cog can impact an entire system.

If you want to change a relationship with a family member, friend, boss, coworker, or even yourself, then change what you have the most control over.  

Your mindset.

If you want something to change in your life then start by being your own life coach - coaching yourself through one little adjustment at a time.

Just be willing. Be willing to let go of old wounds. Be willing to learn new ways of seeing and doing. Be willing to operate from love instead of fear.

You change and everything changes… You have all the power.

Time to take it back. 

John

Also published on ANewsCafe.com 

What If I'm Lazy??

John Kalinowski

Life Coach Personal Development Coach Lazy

I recently had the most liberating epiphany… “what if I’m lazy?” At another time in my life I would have been mortified at the possibility that it might actually be true. And yet, in my current mental/emotional state it feels more like a relief, because it means I don’t have to keep up with anyone or anything else, and I can trust myself to know what’s right for me. What if it’s just how I’m programmed? What if I just move more slowly than other people and that’s ok? It’s not that I’m giving myself an out from doing the work, it’s that I’m giving myself an out from unproductive, unrealistic expectations.

It seems so simple. I mean, I talk to clients all the time about comparing, because it’s really one of the meanest things we can do to ourselves. We’re basically shaming ourselves for not being more like who or what we think we should be. And shaming doesn’t work in the long-term, whether directed toward yourself or others. What does work is acceptance and compassion and positive reinforcement. In this case, accepting myself might mean, “it’s ok if I’m lazy.” Of course, if I’m missing deadlines and upsetting clients then that’s one thing, but if I’m just operating at a slower pace than my self-shaming-inner-gauge says I should, then who cares?

Don’t get me wrong, I know that I’ve accomplished a lot, and I plan to accomplish a lot more. I’ve got goals and vision boards and affirmations, and I’m about as prepared as I can be for what I set out to do. But, I am also acutely aware that I could always be doing more. However, doing “more” inevitably comes at the expense of something else. Maybe it comes at the expense of activities that weren’t serving me anyway, which is fine. But if it means sacrificing sleep, exercise or relationships on a regular basis, I’m gonna say “no thank you.” Am I lazy? Maybe. But the better question might be, “What if I’m balanced?”

Slow and steady wins the race!

John

Also published on ANewsCafe.com 

I'm Better than You... And???

John Kalinowski

life coach, life coach nyc, mindset coach, leadership coach, personal development

Something I’ve realized over the years is that anytime I make somebody “wrong,” I’m just judging them and inflating my ego. Making someone wrong can be as simple as being annoyed because they’re late or because they did or said something disrespectful. This seems like relatively normal stuff to be annoyed about, and it is. But “normal” doesn’t mean it’s productive… for you, for them, or for the relationship. Judgment is not productive. By no means am I the standard-bearer of brotherly love, but I am increasingly aware that when I point the finger at somebody, I’m making myself feel superior and thereby feeding my ego. And this is addictive, because once your ego has a taste of superiority it’s gonna want more.

I’ve pointed my finger at people many times throughout my life, probably daily. And I will continue to do so. But, I’ve also realized that I don’t need the ego boost that’s brought on by feeling better than other people. When I see some racist, homophobic conservative whackjob dishing out ignorance, there’s definitely judgment happening on my part and LOTS of superiority, and for now I’m generally ok with it. But at the end of the day, when I get really honest with myself, I know that I’m just feeding my addiction, which doesn’t serve me. I also know that it totally eliminates any miniscule chance of changing that person’s mind or even being open to the areas where my own mindset could shift as well.

Sometimes people need to vent their frustrations toward one another and it can be incredibly healing. But more often than not, indulging in judgment, either out loud or in your head, is damaging and unproductive even if that person (really f-ing) deserves it. A large part of our life’s work is learning how to manage the ego, and to realize that we don’t need to bolster our sense of superiority on the backs of others. Superiority is just cheap confidence, because real confidence takes practice, diligent daily practice. Real confidence comes from love and humility, not just toward other people, but also toward ourselves. We can do both by using those superior ego moments to be a life coach to ourselves and remember that we don’t need to be better than someone else, we are already spectacular all on our own.

Cheers to being enough!

John

 

Also published on ANewsCafe.com 

Cut the Cord and Run

John Kalinowski

I tossed my TV in the closet on April 1 and have not looked back. I live in a studio apartment and can see the damn thing from every angle. So even when it’s not turned on it takes up a significant amount of space and importance in the landscape of my home life. And it’s so easy at the end of a workday to unconsciously flip on the TV. Not that there’s anything wrong with that because I think it can be healthy to zone out sometimes. But it too often trumps other options like reading or listening to music or writing or even doing a little more work before bed, i.e. stuff that might actually enhance my brain and my life.

I needed a break, and in this case that meant limiting my access to TV so that I’d be forced to do other things. Just like with food, there are certain things I don’t buy because I know it will push me to eat healthier options by default. In general, I rarely buy chocolate or ice cream these days. I definitely eat way too much peanut butter, but I ain’t given that shit up for nobody. I also stopped buying crackers and chips (as often) because I’d seen way too many bags of baby carrots turn ashy in the fridge after sitting untouched for months. When I finally got sick of this game I stopped buying crackers and chips. Guess what happened. Yup, those bags of carrots are flying off the shelf. Funny how that works.

What I can say after 1-2 weeks of making TV less available is that I have been way more productive. I’ve been writing more, reading more, and getting more work done overall. Even from an aesthetic standpoint, my entire apartment feels lighter, like the TV was weighing not just on my productivity, but on the overall energy in my home. Which doesn’t mean I’m not still watching a few shows on my iPad. Cuz who could give up Billions, Shades of Blue, or RuPaul’s Drag Race?? But, it’s frankly just not quite as enjoyable to watch TV that way, which is exactly what I was banking on. That poor TV’s a goner.

Onward and upward!

John

Also published on ANewsCafe.com 

Are You A Good Person?

John Kalinowski

life coach, life coach nyc, mindset coach, leadership coach, personal development

Something I’ve realized as of late is that I might actually be a good person. It may seem kinda crazy that this is a recent realization, but there’s a big difference between knowing you’re a good person in your head and knowing it in your heart. I’ve always believed it in my head, but in order to realize it in my heart I had to learn to like myself. Yup, Mr. Life Coach Guy is just now starting to like himself. Obviously there are parts of myself that I’ve always liked, but there have also been parts that I didn’t. I don’t even think I fully understood how much I disliked those things about myself. It’s like coming out of the closet… again.

This is what I’m learning to appreciate: I’m nerdy, I’m quirky, kind of a loner, a bit awkward, meticulous, demanding, blunt, and I say off-color things sometimes (though I did kinda like that part of myself already). But, just because I’m learning to appreciate these parts of myself, doesn’t mean that I don’t still need to temper them. What it means is that I’m accepting these qualities instead of judging myself for them. It also means that I am surrounding myself with people who can accept these qualities too. It’s ok if I annoy people sometimes (though that clearly never happens), because I can’t be anybody other than who I am.

What’s interesting about liking myself more is that I also see more of the good parts shining through. I find myself being more generous, kind, open, and even more trusting. Of course I still have days when I don’t feel like much of a rockstar. In fact, I just had a couple of those days last week. (Apologies to those who had to bear witness.) But, as I keep learning to like myself or, dare I say, love myself, I have to ask, “Would you talk to or treat other people the way you treat yourself? Would you treat a child that way? Would you tell them they’re stupid or fat or ugly? Would you deny them healthy food or exercise?” No, because that’s cruel and you’re a better person than that... Right??

Let’s be kind to ourselves this week. Cuz we deserve it.

Gratefully,

Your Self Esteem

 

Also published on ANewsCafe.com 

 

Chill The F*** Out

John Kalinowski

Testing

I just wanna be productive, energized and happy all the time. Sounds achievable, right?? So, there’s this part of me that likes the idea of being on a fixed routine to insure that I’m able to make that happen. As a life coach, I also feel some kind of self-imposed pressure to always be on track and maintain the facade that I have it all together. But, not only do I know that it’s unrealistic to always be on track, sometimes I just want to chill the f*** out. I want to forget all about work, exercise, meditation, showering, brushing my teeth, making my bed, or maintaining my life in any way. And I do let myself have days like that, which turns out to be one of the most important ways for me to stay on track.

If you’re gonna relax, then relax. Give Yourself Permission. Because if you’re “relaxing,” but you’re judging yourself the whole time and feeling like there’s always something else you should be doing, then you’re not really relaxing. What you’re actually doing is wasting time because you’re not getting the benefits of relaxing, but nor are you accomplishing whatever task(s) you may be fretting about. So, it’s a draw. If you choose to relax then be present for relaxing. If you choose to do something else then be present for that. There’s a time for both. But, if you’re constantly straddling the line between the two then you aren’t doing either one very well.  

Having a happy and productive mindset is not about being “on” all the time, it’s about showing up for what you need to do to stay healthy and centered. That means instilling certain habits to keep your life moving forward while also allowing yourself the time to let things go once in awhile. That is the sweet spot. That is the balance. If you can’t remember the last time you really unplugged (sans guilt), then give it a whirl. Go crazy! Take a 30-minute nap on a Saturday, or give yourself a day or even just an evening off from thinking about your to-do list. You don’t have to change your life in one fell swoop, in fact that rarely works, but a little tweak here and there will give you massive returns in the long run.

Have a beautiful week!

John

Also published on ANewsCafe.com 

You Have All The Answers

John Kalinowski

life coach, life coach nyc, mindset coach, leadership coach, personal development

My favorite Maya Angelou quote is, “when people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” It seems so simple right? If someone shows you that they’re kind or caring then they probably are. If someone shows you that they’re judgemental or temperamental, then they probably are. (If someone shows you that they’re batshit crazy then they probably are.) Of course, somebody can be all of those things, but then we have to recognize that too. We don’t just ignore certain aspects of someone in favor of other aspects, because that means we’re willfully ignoring the truth of who somebody really is.

A big part of “believing” who someone is, requires listening to yourself. You’ve most certainly had experiences with people where everything seemed ok on the outside, but you kept getting this feeling inside, this instinct, or intuition, telling you that something wasn’t ok and pointing you in another direction. Something didn’t fit, or sit quite right. And every time you’ve ignored that feeling, you’ve probably ended up causing yourself a whole lot more trouble down the road.

I’ve heard so many stories about people who had no idea their significant other was having an affair or capable of doing illegal or violent things. I just don’t buy it. I can accept that they didn’t know it intellectually because they wouldn’t allow it to sink in, but something inside of them knew. Something inside of them kept presenting itself in the form of suspicion or anxiety or resentment and they didn’t know where it was coming from. Well, it was coming from their innermost self and it was trying to send them a message (Heads up! Trainwreck ahead!), but they weren't ready to hear it.

We get locked in sometimes to wanting something to be what we want it to be. Maybe we don’t want to lose that person or we don’t want to be single again or we don’t want other people to think that we don’t have it all together. Well, most of us don’t have it all together because that’s life. We’re all just trying to figure it out.

Listen to yourself. You know more than you think you do.

Have a beautiful week.

John

Also published on ANewsCafe.com 

You're A Liar

John Kalinowski

life coach, life coach nyc, mindset coach, leadership coach, personal development

You’re a liar. I’m a liar. We all are. It’s “normal.” You hopefully already know you’re lying whenever you’re intentionally deceptive, but you might not realize that you may also be lying when you don’t ask for what you want or need, when you say “yes” and you really mean “no,” or when you aren’t being fundamentally true to yourself. And it isn’t about being more ethical, it’s about being more productive. When you’re functioning as your truest self then you're navigating the world more intentionally, more confidently, and more fluidly. But when you mask who you are, even when you don’t mean to, you’re creating unnecessary roadblocks to getting where you want to go.

Hiding behind untrue impressions of yourself is not only risky, but it also limits your ability to connect to others. For as dumb as people can seem sometimes (and some of them can seem pretty dumb), many of them also have a sixth sense when it comes to authenticity. Even if they can’t exactly pinpoint the lie that you’re telling, they may get this feeling of distrust that bubbles up in the form of annoyance, dislike, or discomfort. This feeling becomes an invisible wall that prevents you from connecting with them in a meaningful way, which means losing out on the possible benefits of that connection, may it be a new client, job, friendship, or partnership.

If you’re not working to be more straightforward about who you are, what you want, and what you need, then you’re lying, and you're demonstrating to others that you don't believe in yourself. (So why should they believe in you?) Whereas if you can be a life coach to yourself and be upfront about who you are, confidently embracing all of the beautiful quirks that make you you, then you’re demonstrating to the world that you love yourself enough to be yourself. People feel that. Of course it won’t be attractive to everyone, but that’s the beauty of not lying, you don’t waste time on relationships and situations that aren’t a good fit, which means that you have more energy to focus on the ones that are. See? Now that’s a productive mindset.

Now go out there and tell somebody the truth.

Have a beautiful week.

John


Inspired by the book “Lying” by Sam Harris

Also published on ANewsCafe.com 

Multitasking is a Myth

John Kalinowski

life coach, life coach nyc, mindset coach, leadership coach, personal development

Look at the guy above. He looks so confident in his ability to effectively do 15 things at one time. But, the fact is, “multitasking, when it comes to paying attention, is a myth,” as detailed by Dr. John J. Medina in his book, “Brain Rules.” He goes on to say that, “businesses and schools praise multitasking, but research clearly shows that it reduces productivity and increases mistakes.” Basically, we’ve created this myth to accommodate our ever-expanding and often overwhelming lives, leading many to believe that they can “do it all” and nothing suffers. This is scientifically proven to be wrong. In fact, an article in Fast Company Magazine, What Multitasking Does to Your Brain, explains how the more you multitask the less proficient you actually become at multitasking.

In some ways our brains are still very limited, in that they cannot efficiently focus on multiple tasks at the same time. For example, whenever I switch from one task to another, even if just to look at my phone in the middle of writing this piece, my mind is like a train and has to slow down, switch tracks, then speed up again as I focus on my phone. When I go back to writing, my mind slows down, switches tracks, and gains speed as I refocus on writing. Of course this is all happening at a relatively fast pace (and much faster than switching tracks on the NYC subway), but it does dramatically slow down my overall productivity.

So, how do we keep the brain-train moving at a steady clip? I find that I am more productive when I turn off my email, phone, and all other distractions while writing. Granted there are times when I can only stay in a writing-mindset for 15-20 minutes before I give into an urge for another glass of water, a bathroom break, or a quick glance at Facebook or Instagram, but it’s still a whole lot better than switching tracks every minute or two. There will always be distractions (bosses, coworkers, kids), but half the battle is just accepting that we are less productive when trying to engage in all of these distractions at once. It's when we own that fact and coach ourselves to create guidelines that help us to better focus on one task at a time, then we can make it into a habit which will eventually help that brain-train to start flying full speed ahead.

It’s all about the mindset.

Have a beautiful week!

John

Also published on ANewsCafe.com 

What's Holding You Back?

John Kalinowski

What do you want to finish by the end of the year? If you hadn’t noticed, it’s September, and that means it’s crunch-time. You know all those goals you set, and vision boards you glued to together to inaugurate 2015? Well, it’s time to pay the piper. The great thing is that if you’re committed, there’s still a lot of time to make some serious progress. You could still get that article published, you could still lose 10 lbs, you could still write a business plan, or you could even still meet a new love interest. But, if you’re struggling to motivate then it may require you to ask yourself what’s holding you back.

For almost everyone the answer lies in their mindset. Most people are completely unaware of what they’re thinking on a regular basis, and most of what they’re thinking is straight-up unproductive-broken-record-negative-bulls***. One telltale sign that your thoughts have taken over is that you often feel angry, stressed out, or sad, and you don’t have energy for much more than managing your fundamental responsibilities. Another indicator is that you spend most of your free time watching television or scouring the internet. Of course it’s important to relax sometimes, but in excess it’s likely you’re escaping from your thoughts, and your life.

4 Steps to Coach Yourself & Get Unstuck:

  • Step 1:  Notice what you’re thinking and how often you’re replaying the same broken record and consider keeping a journal to jot down recurring thoughts.

  • Step 2:  Don’t judge yourself or the thoughts, Don’t try to stop them, Just notice them.

  • Step 3:  Use corresponding affirmations for recurring thoughts to help steer yourself out of broken-record-ville. (ex. “I’ll find the perfect job, person, home for me.”)

  • Step 4:  Be diligent about this practice (which can be maddening to start) and you WILL have more energy to accomplish your goals.

Granted, this is not a cure-all, and there may be some deep-seated stuff that you still need to address, but just challenge yourself to try it out for 30 days and see what happens. Fast Company Magazine lists this practice as the first of 4 Habits of the Most Resilient People, and if you’re diligent then 2015 will become the year that you learned how to coach yourself, shift your mindset, and be the resilient bad-ass you’ve always wanted to be.

Have a beautiful week!

John

Also published on ANewsCafe.com