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Life Coach, NYC, Executive Leadership Coach, Personal Development Coach, New York - Coaching Leaders, Entrepreneurs, and Creatives to be more Confident, Productive, and Fulfilled.

Notes from Yourself

 

 

Filtering by Tag: self-improvement

Life in Layers

John Kalinowski

life coach, nyc, executive leadership coach, enoughness, personal development

As we wrap up another year and set our sights on the next, I have been reflecting on what it is all for. The work I do with clients is often about getting unstuck, which involves opening up one layer at a time. I feel the same way about the work I do with myself. Sometimes I think of it like peeling back an onion. With each layer of the onion that I peel back, there is an opportunity to grow. Sometimes I get cocky and think, “But I’ve already read those books and asked those questions?! I’m grown!” Yeah, right. Wouldn’t that be nice.

The learning journey doesn’t end just because we have reached a certain age or attained more or less tolerance for bullshit than we had ten years ago. The learning continues. It’s on-going. There will always be another layer to peel back and work on. There will always be another opportunity to grow. If we feel like we have plateaued or are stuck in one or more areas of our lives, then there is inevitably an internal mindset shift waiting to happen.

The key to life is openness. Like the onion, life is an endless journey of opening oneself. And the best way to do that is through connection, first with ourselves, then with others. Connection is one of the primary vehicles for growth. Whether it’s the people in our lives who are supportive, or the ones who annoy the hell out of us, every relationship is a learning lab, and the lessons learned are all geared toward making us more loving individuals.

As long as we keep coaching ourselves with questions like, “what can I learn from this experience?” “what is my opportunity to grow?” and “how is this happening FOR me instead of to me?” we will continue to find answers that propel us forward. Those answers may surprise us, they might inspire us, or they may be painful. But that’s the journey… there will always be another layer to peel back. There will always be more love, openness, and personal fulfillment to be had.

The internal journey is what it is all for. The external is just a reflection.

Wishing you a fulfilling 2019! #redpill

xJohn

The Magic of Abundance

John Kalinowski

life coach, nyc, executive leadership coach, personal development coach, abundance

When did “wanting” become a dirty word? When did we lose the capacity to see value in anticipation? And why does “wanting” usually feel synonymous with “lacking?”

There is nothing wrong with wanting in the absence of having. Trust, I’m speaking to myself here too. The things we want do not have to become a source of pain simply because we can’t have them in the time frame that we want them.

One area of wanting that I hear about all the time is in the romance department. People can feel very lonely and stressed about not having a partner or mate. Of course, people can feel similarly about all sorts of things they feel they need to have in order to be happy and whole. This type of wanting is built on lack.

  • Wanting from lack means that you, on some level, believe that you are insufficient without that thing. It means that you feel yourself to be “not enough” if you don’t have that relationship, that house, that car, that job, that external validation of your worth.

  • Wanting from abundance means that you know, with or without that relationship, house, car, or job, you are still going to be ok - great actually. It means that you believe you are enough, and that “enoughness” is not measured by external validation trophies.

True happiness is a mindset and practice of reminding yourself that you are enough. Though there are plenty of external “things” that can make you feel amazing, that state of bliss is fragile because you have so little control over the temporary nature of the external world.

As you practice being enough, you are able to channel pure, loving, abundant energy into achieving what you want. Brick by brick you can build your vision from a grounded place of strength, happiness, and trust. The energy we invest is the energy we tend to see returned.

Lack begets lack and abundance begets abundance.

Have a beautiful month! #redpill

John

Also published on Selfscription.com & Thrive Global

Do You Energize People or Deplete Them?

John Kalinowski

life coach, life coach nyc, leadership coach, executive coach, personal development coach

Ahoy there! Happy September! As we round the corner into the last stretch of 2018, here is a simple tip for being your most energized and energizing self.

Interacting with others is an energy exchange and we have a huge amount of control over what type of energy we are bringing to the table.

Negative or unproductive energy can be depleting to yourself and others and is created by:

  • Thinking and talking about problems and drama

Positive or productive energy can be energizing to yourself and others and is created by:

  • Thinking and talking about opportunities and solutions

Of course, we have to think about and share our problems sometimes, but many of us go overboard, at which point it is unproductive and depleting to ourselves and others.

If you make a practice of steering your thoughts and conversation out of the problem and into the solution, you will find that you feel more energized about yourself and your life. As a result, you will bring more positive energy to your interactions, which will leave others feeling more energized as well.

Look at you! All positive n’ stuff.

Have a beautiful month! #redpill

John

Also published on Selfscription.com & Thrive Global

Whatever You Have - Just Own It

John Kalinowski

life coach, life coach nyc, executive leadership coach, personal development coach, new york

Hello! Happy August! This month I have a silly story to share. I may have shared it with some of you - it’s an oldie but a goodie! Several years ago I had a personal breakthrough. I was having a conversation with someone about the sitcom, “Friends,” and which characters we most resemble. My answer was obvious and immediate; I am Monica. Can you imagine how not excited I might have been to realize that? But the funny thing is, it was exciting, because the realization gave me permission to say, “I’m totally Monica…” an ambitious, demanding, particular, know-it-all. Though I would love to think I am (clearly) funnier and more dynamic than Monica, it’s fairly safe to say that she and I are cut from a similar cloth.

This is who I am - take it or leave it.

The thing is, this isn’t really news; I have always known about my quirks. What changed was my choice to own them. By owning who I am, a huge chunk of self-judgement that I had been holding onto for years simply evaporated. Along with that came the awareness of how beautiful those quirks really are. Yes, I’m demanding, and even though it can be annoying it has also helped me to not settle for less. Yes, I’m particular, and even though it can be annoying it has also helped me to be very detail-oriented. Yes, I’m a know-it-all, and even though it can be annoying it has also propelled me to create a successful and fulfilling career.

Every strength is a weakness; every weakness is a strength.

None of this means that you cannot work on, temper, or change certain qualities about yourself or your life. But it does mean that you will be more successful in changing those things if you start with a mindset of acknowledging and accepting them first. Simply look for the beauty. Each time you catch yourself judging yourself or your life, coach yourself to look for the beauty and see what you find. How do these “annoying” characteristics help you? How might they be endearing, attractive, and even sexy?

As you make a practice of looking for the beauty, you will find that you are kinder to yourself. As a result, you may find the outside world to be a little kinder as well.

Have a beautiful month! #redpill

John


Also published on Selfscription.com, ANewsCafe.com & ThriveGlobal


(For more on Self-Acceptance check out July’s post...)

How to Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter

John Kalinowski

life coach personal development mindset

Your thoughts dictate your reality.

I see it in myself, my friends, and my coaching clients. We are all influenced by what we think every day, in the same way that we're influenced by what we eat every day.

If my junk-food intake outweighs my intake of nutritious food then there will be consequences. And by the same token if I'm thinking a lot of unproductive, negative thoughts instead of affirming, encouraging ones, there will be natural consequences for that as well. 

Productive thoughts are those that open up opportunities for solutions and growth. Unproductive thoughts are those that shut down opportunities for solutions and growth. "I don't know what to do," is unproductive. "I can figure this out," is productive. "I'm a big fat pig," is unproductive. "I have the power to change," is productive.

3 Tools for a Productive Mindset:

  • The Gold Star - Acknowledge yourself for the things you do, even if it feels like you could do them longer, better, or more often.

  • Course-Correct - Have a handful of productive thoughts that you can pull out when you catch yourself engaging in unproductive-thinking.

  • Habits v. Goals - Take some of the emphasis off of the end-goals and focus more on the habits and routines required to get you there.

Your thoughts dictate your reality. More productive thoughts = a more productive reality. 

#redpill

John