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Life Coach, NYC, Executive Leadership Coach, Personal Development Coach, New York - Coaching Leaders, Entrepreneurs, and Creatives to be more Confident, Productive, and Fulfilled.

The Wake-Up

 

 

Filtering by Category: Trust

A Question that Can Change Your Life

John Kalinowski

life coach nyc personal development opportunity

What's the Opportunity?

I ask myself this question all the time. In moments of doubt it keeps me from going to a dark place, that fear place, the one where I'm thinking/feeling, "Oh my God, this sucks! What am I gonna do?? What if it doesn't work? What if I can't figure it out? What if it all falls apart??" 

And more often than not I also stumble onto an answer to the question, because, the funny thing is, there is almost always an answer to "What's the Opportunity?" 

It's usually easier to ask ourselves that question when everything's stable. But when things suddenly shift or don't go our way many of us make a mental/emotional beeline to resistance, stress, anger, anxiety, and depression. "Oh no, I didn't get the job I wanted." "Oh no, I didn't get the loan I wanted, or the man or woman I wanted - life is so unfair." 

That's just victim-thinking and for many of us it can spiral into a whole mess of "I'm not worthy" and "why don't good things happen to me." Well, they're probably not going to happen to you if you always revert to playing the victim every time life doesn't go your way.

What's the Opportunity? 

We squander opportunities all the time because we're so consumed by fear and victim-thinking. Of course there are really traumatic things that happen like death, divorce, and health issues. But even then, there are so many instances where the events were hard for everyone at first, then they paved the way for some really significant personal development and healing. But only when the people involved were open to the opportunities.

So, when the shit hits the fan and things don't turn out the way you want, acknowledge your disappointment, cry about it, grieve if necessary, but even in the worst of circumstances there is an opportunity for something good to come of it. You just have to be open to shift your mindset. Only then will you see that maybe dropping your phone was an opportunity to unplug, or getting fired from your job was the nudge you needed to make a career change and get your ass back to the gym.

You can be your own life coach by asking yourself this one question, "What's the opportunity?"

(But beware, you might turn into one of those "glass half-full" people.)

Have a beautiful week!

John

Also published on ANewsCafe.com 

Jumping The Gun

John Kalinowski

life coach personal development coach

Too many times in my life I’ve pigeon-holed myself into doing something a particular way because I couldn’t see beyond my own stress, fear, or impatience to take a more measured approach. Note to Self: I do not make the best decisions under stress. I might be able to get the job done and I might even make reasonably “good” decisions, but they are not going to be my best decisions. My best decisions come when I am grounded, centered, grateful, open, and I am giving myself permission to be exactly where I am, even if it’s not necessarily where I want to be.

A few years ago, when I took the leap into coaching full-time, I was convinced that the natural next step was to find an office. The problem was that when I left my part-time job I hadn’t yet built up my clientele to be able to pay my current bills, let alone take on another big expense. But, in my mind, I was convinced that if I was going to attract the right type of clients then I needed to have certain things in place, and that meant an office. So, that’s what I did, and I ended up taking on a bunch of unnecessary stress and debt.

I did eventually attract those clients and become financially stable, but in hindsight, it was probably a little too early in my career to have an office, assuming I ever even needed one at all. But sometimes we become overwhelmed by how we think things should look, or by our impatience with how slowly things are moving, instead of allowing ourselves to be where we are, especially if that means being a beginner. Sometimes we just need to wait until we have a clearer plan, a little more money, experience, or even confidence before we ascend to that next level.

Reaching the top of the mountain can be really exciting, but so can the climb itself. These days I have plenty of goals, and as I work toward them I try to give myself permission to enjoy each stage of the process.

Have a beautiful week!

John

It's OK To Be A Slacker

John Kalinowski

life coach personal development coach

I have just not been feeling motivated to work out lately. Yes, it’s summer, and maybe I’m feeling lazy, but I’ve hit yet another breaking point with that place called “the gym.” And along with it comes the awkward feelings of “how can I be a life coach and not be fit and healthy and happy at all times?” Well, the reality is that whether it’s exercise, work, love, life… all of them operate on an ebb and flow, meaning they have periods of intense productivity and periods where things slow down. The crucial part about slowing down is that we don’t beat ourselves up for it, but rather use it as an opportunity to reflect on the bigger picture and maybe find a new approach that works even better than the old one.

One part of the bigger picture for me is that the gym feels like the epitome of what it means to “go through the motions,” and I am working diligently to insure that no part of my life is about going through the motions. So I canceled my gym membership. Another part of the bigger picture is that I want to be healthy without feeling like my body needs to fit into any particular mold. So, I’m starting to try some other avenues such as running outside, which has been beautiful in this amazing summer weather. I’ve also taken classes at a couple new yoga studios because I’d like to see what yoga could do for me if I give it a chance.

Though it’s crucial to be disciplined with exercise, it’s also crucial to adopt of mindset of trusting in life’s ebb and flow. Just as we have to take advantage of when things are fast-paced and productive, we also have to take advantage of the downtime. If we’re constantly resisting or resenting the slower, more uncertain periods then we’re actually closing ourselves off to opportunities that will either lead us back into flow, or even allow us to take care of another area of our lives that maybe we’ve been neglecting.

Trust… there is always an opportunity.

Have a beautiful week!

John

Riding the Wave

John Kalinowski

life coach personal development coach

Over the past week of being back from a beautiful, relaxing trip to Paris and Amsterdam, I have been feeling so cranky and agitated, and I have not been able to figure out why! I returned home completely refreshed with a relatively easy workweek and without encountering anything particularly upsetting. I’ve been meditating daily, going to the gym regularly, eating well, and getting plenty of sleep. But, the slightest inconvenience has been turning me completely inside out. So, what’s up?!

I thought maybe it was jetlag, but as the days pressed on it seemed like the longest jetlag in history. And then it occurred to me, what if nothing’s “up?” Maybe I’m just having a few days where my mind, body, and spirit are processing through some things beyond my understanding? Maybe that’s all there is to it? Maybe it’s ok to be doing everything “right” and still have a few days where I don’t feel amazing? Maybe I just need to chill out, stop trying to find the problem, keep doing what I’m doing, and just let this pass in it’s own time?

Whether it’s traffic, rude people, or just being in an inexplicably bad mood, so much of what comprises happiness is being able to ride the wave of the day-to-day bulls***. Many people think that happiness is about avoiding challenges, but it’s actually about coaching ourselves to navigate challenges from a more centered place. In order to do that, we sometimes have to allow ourselves a little more space and time to feel those feelings, let them go and get on with our lives.

For me, giving myself space this past week has meant journaling and meditating, allowing myself time to cry or be angry while also reminding myself of the things I’m grateful for, and spending a bit more time alone, so as not to inadvertently cuss out and offend the people I care about. I also keep reminding myself that everything is temporary, and all I have to do is successfully navigate this wave of unease because an easier wave is sure to be rolling along soon. It’s all about your mindset.

Have a beautiful week!

John